Because Hate is an Emotion too
by shiroratsukari
Summary: Bookman's eyes widened ever so slightly. How had he let his apprentice slip so much? Shock to confusion to disgust and now…hate? He wasn't feeling less, he was feeling more.


Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction and D. Gray-man belongs to Hoshino Katsura.

**Because Hate is an Emotion too**

"Why? Why do the humans keep fighting like that?"

Bookman looks at his young apprentice of 7 before answering.

"Leave the reasons to the ones doing the fighting. We are simply here to record the war."

"But why?"

"…look into your records if you must know. They should tell you."

So the child does. Closing his eye he relives the records he recently obtained.

_ /A women is screaming as a casket is brought to her home. _

"_Mary! Oh my dear, dear Mary!"_

"_Don't worry mom. I'll kill them! I'll kill them! The ones who did this to Mary…I'LL KILL THEM!"/  
_

"I still don't get it. Killing someone else isn't going to bring Mary back."

Bookman, a knowing look on his aging features, tells the young boy, "you'll understand one day. Maybe a few records later. When that time comes it will be your greatest trial."

But a few records pass and he still doesn't understand.

"Look again."

_ /A young man crouches in the snow while holding the body of a young boy._

"_Why?! Why?! How could they do this to someone so young?! Unforgivable! Those monsters!"/  
_

"Still don't get it. They did that to the people on the other side too. So by his logic he's just calling himself a monster."

The only response the young apprentice receives from his master are two simple words, "in time.".

So time passes and he thinks he understands.

"I think I get it now. Humans are stupid, that's why they always fight. How disappointing that the answer's so mundane. Glad I'm not like them."

Bookman sighs at this statement but remains silent. As long as it didn't affect the records it didn't matter what his apprentice thought. Though it pained him to see the once kind child disappearing, it was good. His apprentice's expression had gone from shocked to confused to disgusted. He was becoming detached. Excellent.

"Humans are so stupid. Why bother recording such an ugly race?"

Anger, Bookman noted.

"Because it is the job of the Bookmen to do so."

"…I hate them. It's always the same. They are so disappointing."

Bookman's eyes widened ever so slightly. How had he let his apprentice slip so much? Shock to confusion to disgust and now…hate? He wasn't feeling less, he was feeling more.

"Doesn't matter though, you always did say not to get attached. So this'll only make it easier."

Wrong. His apprentice's greatest trial had now begun.

"Get packed. We're heading to The Black Order to record the war between them and the Millennium Earl. We will be joining in their ranks for this record."

No more sideline duty. It was time his apprentice learned. So the two joined The Order. Two years passed and Bookman begins to see his apprentice change again.

His smile is no longer forced.  
His laughter rings true.  
His heart is becoming tied.

"I thought I warned you not to get attached," Bookman states.

"But I ain't!" Lavi counters before walking off somewhere to escape his master's wrath.

He's learning. Bookman smiles a sad smile as feelings of guilt surface from within of what he has given his apprentice and what he will have to take away. But this is a lesson he has to endure. Bookman Junior truly did not have the heart of a Bookman. He feels too much and is too kind. That is why Junior hates humanity and it's wars. It didn't originate from hate. It originated from love which in turn became disappointment in humanity and its darkest, blackest stains.

"I'll kill him! The Noah who did this to Allen! I'll kill him!"

"That won't bring Allen back."

Lavi suddenly looks up at his master, an expression of shock on his face. He knew that response, the one his master just gave, except it had come from himself once.

"We are observers, do not get attached! How many times have I told you this?"

Lavi looks away.

"Do you hate him? The one who killed The Destroyer of Time?"

"…yes."

"We are Bookmen. We lie outside the realm of this world. We have no need for a heart that is filled with emotions. We are to be unbiased, impartial and indifferent to the happenings of our records. No emotions are needed for such a task. Hate is not so different from love. Both can cause you to perform the most selfless of acts and the most gruesome of crimes. Both are great and powerful emotions. It is because you feel for them that you hate them. So if you truly felt indifferent about them you wouldn't hate them."

Junior only lowers his head to his masters response before scowling and walking away.

Bookman sighs as he watches his apprentice leave. He knows that his apprentice will eventually understand those words and waits fearfully for the time. When it comes, what will become of Bookman Junior? Who will win? His good-natured, kind heart or his vow and calling as a Bookman to be? Within the turmoil of the endless wars and battles the kind heart of the young apprentice became disguised in hatred. Looking through the eyes of one who cannot stand the actions of the people he is observing, his apprentice did not realize that his records had already become tainted long before entering The Order.

But to kill a heart is not an easy task. Especially when you don't believe you have one. You cannot kill what you believe you do not have. And that is why Bookman had opted to join The Order instead of watching from the sidelines. Because Bookman had things he wanted to show his apprentice.

Humanity's goodness within the chaos.  
The peace within the storm.  
The smiles within the ever present tears.

Then he will understand. Then he will see the contrast. Then he will find the heart buried deep within layers of disappointment and hate. And when all else is said and done, he may even choose to discard that heart and finally stop hating.

Because hate is an emotion too.

And Bookman Junior cannot succeed him until he is able to kill every emotion residing within the heart that shouldn't exist and yet still does.

**-End-**

Thanks for reading! Suggestions, comments and critiques are more than welcome!


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